The I am... fanlisting
about the album
After four years and three original albums, Avex Entertainment -- Ayumi Hamasaki's record label and management company -- decided the best plan of action was to release a single collection. Although Ayu herself famously opposed the decision, she went through with the relentless promotional campaign, part of which was releasing a new single.
This new single was a song simply called "M" and it set the stage for a dramatic new direction in her career. The song built from a soothing, keyboard backed prayer to a desperate, rocky plea for guidance. Seeped in religious imagery, both the song and its promotional video explored themes not yet seen in an Ayumi Hamasaki release, and it was all set against CREA's debut composition.
CREA is Ayumi Hamasaki's penname.
"M" immediately stood out on A BEST's lineup, making the other J-pop classics contained therein sound instantly archaic by comparison. Although she may have seen the release of a single collection as a ticking time bomb -- something that would put a time limit on her career -- it did just the opposite. Yes, it sealed off the first chapter of her career, but it gave her the inspiration and freedom to move beyond the sound of J-pop's darling of the hour. By the beginning of 2001, Ayumi Hamasaki was making some of the most progressive-sounding pop music on the planet.
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the evolution
Now doing double duty as a lyricist and composer, Ayu immediately followed up the success of "M" and A BEST with another new single in January of 2001. The song appropriately titled "evolution" proved to be difficult to categorize. Like "M," it started with a soft piano melody, but that was soon swallowed by layer upon layer of guitar work. Where "M"'s chorus was desperate, "evolution" -- like the name suggests -- only looked forward, and it did so at break-neck speeds. If pure energy had a sound, this was it.
"evolution" was followed by a series of slightly more generic -- though no less enjoyable -- rock anthems: the more (contrasively) fragile "NEVER EVER" and the pounding "UNITE!" Between these releases, was the song "Endless sorrow." Although it shared the rock roots of its surrounding singles, the ballad returned to the spirit of the song that started it all -- "M" -- with a remarkably fatalistic tone.
"Endless sorrow" again used religious imagery as its base, telling the story of two angels with only two wings between them. Although doomed by this defect, the angels decide to fly together so that neither will be alone when they ultimately fall to their deaths.
The song captured a theme that was gradually becoming prevalent both in her recordings and performances. Almost simultaneous to the single releases was Ayu's prolific 2001 Dome Tour, an ambitious event into which Ayu poured her heart and during which everything that could have gone wrong did. A show was delayed when she fell through the stage had to be rushed to the hospital. She suffered temporary deafness. But the show went on.
The Dome Tour was a true spectacle with each set designed around a certain country and culture; the message was world peace. As was suggested in songs like "M," "Endless sorrow," and even "evolution," she saw society as heading down a bleak path and --although she believed it was possible -- peace was something we would all have to work together to achieve. When she was raised from the stage with her single wing extended, she had a look of both sadness and compassion. This was something she believed in with all her heart, and she only wished we would listen.
Unfortunately, while she inspired the thousands of fans who witnessed her impassioned performances, her worst fears were realized on the true global stage.
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9/11
No one knew what to think of the horrible images that flickered across television sets on September 11, 2001. Charities and tributes were erected around the world, and Avex was quick to act. Avex developed the song+nation project; however, when they approached their biggest star to sing a special tribute, she agreed, but only on her own terms.[1]
The song being developed was what one would expect from a tribute song, thus having nothing particularly offensive about it. It asked for forgiveness, to be shown the right way to live, and that was precisely why she objected. Ayumi Hamasaki had spent last few months practically crusading for peace; she had nothing to apologize for.
That song was eventually developed into "The Meaning of Peace" and handed off to then-aspiring singers BoA and Koda Kumi, and Ayumi Hamasaki set off to develop her own tribute as part of the project . The result was "a song is born." For the first time since "M," CREA stepped down and the song was composed by song+nation maestro Tetsuya Komuro. However, Ayu penned the lyrics herself, making a song that asked people to listen, not atone. She was joined for the single version by one of her favorite vocalists, KEIKO. Where BoA and Koda Kumi tried to out-diva each other with their vocal gymnastics, Ayu and KEIKO's rendition was controlled, bringing the song's message front and center with a sincerity absent from other star-studded collaborations.
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gone with the wind
After 9/11 Ayu's image mellowed. As she would later explain to TIME Magazine, "I knew it wasn't the time for gaudiness, for elaborate sets and costumes. It sounds odd coming from me, but I realize what I say and how I look has a great impact." With this in mind, the last single before the album release was "Dearest," an angelic love song that would quickly be regarded as a classic.
"Dearest" took the worldly outlook she had begun to explore in 2001's singles and made it personal again. Now it was a search for inner-peace. And love, of course.
In addition to this beautiful new song, Ayu went back and reworked an older single. She decided that the original "Endless sorrow" was too depressing to conclude her upcoming album in wake of world events, and thus the "gone with the wind" version was born: a more relaxing and hopeful cut. Even though those angels are still missing wings, with a calmer arrangement and vocal track, they just might make it if they go together.
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the album
On January 1st, 2002 a year's worth of blood, sweat, and tears finally came together on one album. It was immediately clear that I am... was a whole new kind of beast. Where previous original albums all began with ambient, trance introductory tracks, I am... would have none of that. The minute listeners pressed play, they were greeted with a single voice:
ちゃんと聴いてて 伝わるまで さけび
There was nothing to soften the raw, forceful tone. She was telling you out-right that this was her message, and you were going to hear it.
I am... brilliantly straddles the line between progressive and deeply personal. Composing an overwhelming majority of the tracks herself, Ayumi Hamasaki explores new melodies to accompany the revelations she experienced over the course of 2001. Although one could argue the most forward-thinking tracks were already released as singles -- namely "M" and "evolution" -- I am... still had a few surprises up its sleeve, a major highlight being "Daybreak."
"Daybreak" is epic. With its soaring score and confident vocals, it perfectly summarizes the tone of the album; her growth as a woman wanting peace with the world and herself.
An inner-struggle with herself has always been prevalent in her lyrics, but this new voice was not one of a lost teenager, rather an experienced, worldly woman. This was a new voice for Ayu, and one uncommon in the puppy-love-laden world of pop music. Needless to say, it was a voice with something to say; it needed to be heard.
Although still firmly rooted in rock, I am... allows CREA to flex her creative muscles, trying her hand at trance and more classically structured ballads to tell her story.
I am... is a pop masterpiece. On one hand it is one woman's coming of age story. On the other, it is a timely, perfectly captured picture of the emotions so many experienced during this pivotal time in modern history.
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More information
- Discography entry at Ayu-Vogue Network
- I am... PVs and CM gallery at Ayu-Vogue Network
- Lyrics translations at Divine Ayu
- I am... release interview at TIME Magazine
- I am... analysis at Hamasaki Ayumi
[1]Nikkei Entertainment as translated and interpreted by Masa
This fanlisting is designed and maintained by Stacey Anne and is in no way affiliated with Ayumi Hamasaki or Avex. No infringement is intended with the making of this site; this is just the work of a fan wishing to share her appreciation. "Japanese Foliage" brush courtesy of Designfruit.com